anger turned inward is depression, anger turned sidways, is hawkeye

so today I heard a kid (whom I am not very fond of) singing kati and my song. But not only was he singing it (which braught back painfull memories), but he was slaughtering it. He took this song, that was ment as a humble realization of their love, and turned it into a “yea, I think im usher, let me use verbrado, and slurr my notes into the next word” not only was it a horrible memory being forced to the surface, it was in a horrifying form.

It was a monster. A night mere. Kind of like saying “yea... so I ran over your dog today... it died... but you can still keep the carcus” it was very painfull.

I did everything in my power to not become emotional... to not give him a piece of my mind... instead.. I tried to chuckle... I laughed so I didnt cry. I patted him on the back and said somethin snarky like, “lovin the song choice” or “man.. I know its not taylor swift, but this isnt much better” ahh... I was in such a blind ...(furry isnt the word) pain... (that isnt the word iether, but it will have to do) that I dont even remember what I said. I have been realizeing that what I do, is mostly to keep my mind off of things. I crack jokes, I act like a fool, I do whatever... just so I dont have to face it. Every night and every moringin I read my “verses of encouragement” and I ask god for peace... but... im have a hard time keeping my head above water...

yea... I have realized that this is probably to personal for a blogg... so when my sences come to me ill probably take it off...